On Becoming a Man

Every boy dreams of becoming a man—I know I did. But when do you become a man? Does that happen when you grow facial hair? When you learn to drive? When you turn twenty-one? What is the secret to becoming a man?

Becoming God’s Man

The measure of a man is found in his maturity. Maturity is the ability to accept responsibility—to be dependable, to do what you say you’ll do, and to do what you are expected to do. Showing maturity has little to do with physical size, strength, age, or social status.

As a young child, you first learned to accept responsibility for yourself. You learned to dress yourself and brush your own teeth. About that same time, you learned to assume responsibility for your surroundings by picking up after yourself and making your bed. Then you started learning to assume responsibility for others around you by being polite, offering a willing hand to help others, and being kind and thoughtful. So you matured by accepting responsibility for yourself, and later, by being focused on the needs of others. Your maturity increases as you accept more responsibility.

It is cute to watch a one-year-old toss and leave his toys on the floor; when a fifteen-year-old does that, we call it immaturity. However, if that same young man is responsible, he gains the admiration of peers and adults alike.

The journey to mature manhood is accepting responsibility for yourself and for others by serving them.

The apostle Paul told Titus, a young church leader, to “encourage the young men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:6). In other words, men need to be mature. The journey to maturity is accepting responsibility for yourself and for others by serving them.

Who to Model

Jesus is the perfect example of what it means to be a man. He was 100 percent God and 100 percent man. He was tempted like you are in every way, yet He never gave into it! He faced every temptation you have faced, and stood strong. (See Hebrews 4:15.) Jesus accepted responsibility for himself—for His actions, for the development of His character, and for the fulfillment of His life purpose.

Later, He died on a cross to pay the price for the sins of the entire world. Since He never sinned, He didn’t need to die for himself. Jesus took responsibility for others and their sins. If He hadn’t, people would have to die for their own sins. In doing this, He served them.

Jesus is the perfect picture of a man—a strong man! He took responsibility for himself in every way: His words, His actions, His attitudes, His mental growth, His physical development, His spiritual influence, and His character. Then, He assumed responsibility for others by giving His life for their sins.

You Can Be a Real Man

Jesus is our model of maturity and responsibility. He calls us to be just like Him. Jesus expects us to accept responsibility for ourselves. It starts by admitting our human condition—separated from God by our sin. Many men think taking responsibility for themselves equals living life their own way. Real men know that taking responsibility begins with recognizing they are sinners in need of a Savior.

Once men realize their need for a Savior, they submit to His leadership. Jesus trains them to live real and full lives; they allow Him to shape their character to match His. Being like Jesus is what it means to be a real man. Following Him as your daily leader and loving Him with your whole heart is what it takes to become like Him.

Jesus grew from a boy into a young man, just like you. He became a strong and confident man. He changed the course of history by dying on a cross and rising from the dead to save those who chose to follow Him. What was His secret? The Gospel of John tells us: Jesus didn’t live His life His own way; instead He lived it the way His Heavenly Father wanted Him to live it. (See John 6:38.)

You have been created for a special purpose, and who knows your design better than God? That’s why it is so important to accept responsibility by recognizing that you become a real man as you follow His leadership in your life. When you love Him more than you love yourself, you become even more like Him.

As you follow Jesus, He will shape your character. He will help you grow into a strong and confident man. He will show you God’s great purpose for you, and give your life a worthy cause. Jesus’ cause was to save you from your sin so you could become the best possible version of you. But He could not have accepted responsibility for you if He had not accepted responsibility for himself first—the responsibility to live life God’s way instead of His own way.

“The more alive you allow Christ to become in you, the more real you’ll become.”

—Romans 6:11 (author paraphrase).

The Choice Is Your Responsibility

You are at the starting line of your journey to manhood. Like every journey, it begins by choosing your path. Unfortunately, many boys choose to go their own way. The Bible tells us we are like sheep that have gone astray; we have lived life our own way (Isaiah 53:6). But the result of living life our own way is sad and predictable. It leads to loss, death, and separation from God (Romans 3:23).

The better path is to follow Christ. It is the only true path to becoming a real man. Choosing this path leads to a full life that money and fame can never buy. It leads to the greatest gift; one you get only by following Jesus—the gift of eternal life (Romans 6:23).

So every day you have a choice to make. Who will you follow? Following your own way leads to death. Choosing Jesus leads to life. This is a choice you must make yourself. It is your responsibility. Your choice has consequences. Following your own path will lead to immature manhood, loss, and death. Following Jesus will lead to mature manhood, fulfillment, and life. Choose life!

Journey in the Company of Men

If you have chosen to follow Christ, congratulations are in order. Now for some really important advice—don’t take this journey alone! Yes, Christ is always with you, but He intends for you to undertake this quest in the company of men.

True manhood is bestowed upon you in the company of godly men. Being inspired by a book you read, a story you hear, or a movie you watch won’t make you a man by itself. Following God’s path, with other godly men by your side, will make you a real man.

This book is a road map for every guy’s journey to manhood. Use it alone and you’ll be inspired for a season. But follow it with other committed young men of God under the mentorship of godly men, and it will positively influence the course of your whole life.

Like any map, you’re going to need it for the whole journey. Becoming the man God intends is not something accomplished in a day; it is a lifelong pursuit. The foundations you establish in your youth are arguably the most important. Go through this material carefully and refer to it often. Review it to keep it fresh in your mind. Study it the way you might a map when you’ve ventured deep in the wilderness and want to know the location of every water source, river crossing, mountain, valley, and cliff.

You are on a lifelong journey. Establish strong foundations and do it early in life. Travel with godly men and guys your age, because manhood is granted to you as you journey with a band of brothers who are in pursuit of Christlike manhood.

In My Experience:

Throughout this book, you will find sections entitled, “In My Experience.” In them I share the good, the bad, and at times the ugly truths about my life. I hope the experiences I share will help you interact with the material.

I’ve done it right, and I’ve blown it. There are times I’ve ventured out on this manhood journey in the company of men and other times I’ve gone it alone. There is an old African proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go in the company of others.” As I look back on my life, I must admit the proverb is true.

My dad was my greatest mentor. As soon as the Friday afternoon dismissal bell rang, he was waiting outside my high school. We lived overseas and would go blow some money on imported American junk food—sometimes we could even find Dr. Pepper, which wasn’t an easy task in Bolivia. As we savored the sugar and carbs, we talked about everything—girls (of course!), cars, money, church, witnessing, college, dreams, and so much more. My dad, and other adult mentors, helped me go further and soar higher. I feel their influence to this day.

My freshman year was one of those seasons when I journeyed without godly peers at my side. It was tough! It wasn’t that I intended to, but few of them were serving the Lord. I was lonely and often felt lost. I took comfort in the chorus an old, old song written way back in 1873 by Philip P. Bliss for his boys’ Sunday School class. In it, he urged them to “Dare to Be a Daniel” and to stand firm for God when circumstances demand it.

I dreaded the thought but braced myself to walk the halls of my high school alone. Then I discovered the words to the entire song. The lyrics helped me realize there would always be times I’d need to stand alone and firm. But even Daniel had a band of brothers. So I prayed for a friend, and God answered. For the next two years, David Thomas and I challenged and inspired each other. It was as the Old Testament wisdom writer described: “iron sharpening iron” (Proverbs 27:17).

That’s how it should be. I’ve learned from the good and the bad to journey with others so we can challenge one another. Godly men make each other better. It’s how men become men.